You want to watch a movie at home but your colleagues decided to go to a party. They invited you and you don’t want to go. But your head is spinning with fear-induced thoughts- “what if they will have more fun than my movie night plan”.
Worse, “what if this party is the night where everyone bonds really deeply with each other and becomes eternal friends for life”. And you end up alone as the guy who missed out on your chance to have everlasting friends for life just because you decided to watch a movie instead of being there.
So, you decide to go to the party. Turns out it’s just one of those nights where everyone is talking about the same office BS, getting drunk, and calling their X. Your head again starts spinning with thoughts- “I missed the movie night for this boring party. What if the movie was more fun? What if everyone will talk about the movie on social media the next morning and you won’t be able to participate in the hot discussion?
Just thinking about it, You get a flashback of your childhood when everyone was playing and having fun while you had to watch them from afar because you were grounded. How sad was that? You are feeling exactly sad like that now.
You will miss out on all the fun while they discuss the tiny intricacies of this oscar worthy film. For what? Because you decided to go to a party with the same people you work with every single day? At the cost of missing out on a great cinematic experience and the aftermath that follows through on social media!
As you can notice, There is no escape.
No matter what you do, what decisions you make. You will always feel others are having more fun or having a better life experience than you. That’s FOMO – “Fear of missing out”.
FOMO could affect all decisions you would ever take in your life. You will live in a constant state of fear and lead a dissatisfied life.
In this post, we will learn three different types of FOMO and how to overcome it.
- Ancient Fomo
- Social Fomo
- Advertising Fomo
Ancient Fomo
The term Fomo was coined in 2004 by Dr. Dan Herman, a marketing strategist.1
But it’s an ancient instinct. Which has helped us increase our chances of survival. In the hunter-gatherer era, it was crucial to stick with the group. If you wouldn’t, you would miss out on crucial food and water sources.
That means sticking to the group had rewards, and if you stick, you won’t have any FOMO because there is nothing else to miss out on. Your FOMO helped you survive better.
As we gradually transitioned into the modern world where food and water were adj. available, this ancient FOMO should have subsided. Instead, our brain thought- “FOMO helped you survive, it’s a good survival trait, so we will continue this way in the modern world”.
Little did our brains know, that the modern world has a surprise planned for us. Something that will trigger this FOMO to its most miserable state.
Welcome to the modern world, a world of not only two choices but a world of infinite choices. Hence, infinite things to miss. #SufferingGuranteed
These infinite choices are available in all walks of life. Whether you are trying to choose a career, a vacation destination, party clothes, or even something as simple as a pizza.
These infinite choices make one thing very clear, No matter what you choose, you will always have fear of missing out on the rest of the choices that you had. You can’t run from it, you just need to learn how to deal with it, and that you will, in the later part of this post.
Social Fomo
We are not just one large group anymore. Being with the group won’t assure that we won’t miss out on anything. We are broken down into millions of smaller groups. Being with one micro-social group won’t assure us we won’t miss out on anything the rest of the millions of micro-social groups are having.
These micro-social groups and individuals not only interact with people in their physical proximity, neighborhood, school, or office. They interact with every single of those million other micro social groups, and billions of individuals via social media.
Now you not only hear about missed opportunities or experiences from your friends and family, about how they landed a high-paying job because they studied at a specific University, or how they met the love of their life in a library. But you will also hear it from the rest of the seven billion humans. The reign of chronic FOMO has just got begun.
Within 10 minutes of scrolling through social media, you would be bombarded with hundreds of missed opportunities and experiences. Fomo is inevitable here because clearly, they’re having more fun than you are, or at least it appears so.2
When a catastrophe like this happens, few people see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to make more money by encashing your vulnerability.
Social media companies have decided to keep you on a roller coaster ride of FOMO by exploiting this vulnerability of yours.
24 hrs disappearing story
One such exploit is Social media 24 hrs disappearing story.
Social media companies want you to check your social feed every day. But what if you check your feed once a week? That’s not good for them, right? What if the content your friend uploads will disappear in 24 hours?
It will very smoothly trigger a fear of missing out on that content if you don’t open the app to check the story every single day.
When you open the app and view the story, then you feel you are missing out on the life experience they are having, even making you feel jealous or have social anxiety.3
Essentially, they used your FOMO to open the app, only to serve you more FOMO.
That is why the 24 hours disappearing story is the biggest social media addiction innovation of all time. A feature started by Snapchat in 2013.4
and later copied by Instagram5, Facebook6 and the rest.
There are tons of positive benefits of social media for people and society.7
We are only discussing the negative effect here, specifically FOMO so that we can deal with it effectively.
Advertising Fomo
If social media companies are encashing on your FOMO, it’s expected that the companies that are trying to sell you stuff are not far behind.
24 hrs Countdown Timer is the sales industry’s equivalent of social media’s 24 hrs disappearing story.
We all have been on a shopping site running a countdown timer with a limited time offer/offer ends in/lightning deal etc.
The only reason that countdown timer is there is to trigger your FOMO. You will fear missing out on an exclusive product or deal if you won’t purchase within the countdown timer.
Your brain knows, that missing out on things is bad for survival, it will trigger your FOMO, and it will make you buy it. Once again, they used your FOMO against you.
Once you make the impulsive purchase, your brain will reward you with the feel-good chemical- Dopamine.8
This essentially means your mind is telling you- ”you have done a great job, this is good for our survival, do more of it to get more dopamine rewards and survive longer as a result.”
It was not just a sweet unharmful advertising technique, the countdown timer has essentially hijacked the neurological circuitry of your brain, making you take actions that you wouldn’t have taken in the absence of a countdown.
It triggered both the fear response in the amygdala9
and the reward response of dopamine in the hypothalamus of your brain.10
Due to the deceitful nature of these countdown timers and other gamification techniques used by shopping sites to mislead the consumers, they have recently come under the scrutiny of regulatory authorities.11
Billions of dollars are spent by large corporations on psychological research to hijack your brain to find new ways of advertising to make you buy the stuff you don’t need and to keep you on social media platforms you don’t have to be on.
How to overcome FOMO?
Use the following methods to effectively overcome FOMO:
It’s not real
What you see on social media is not real anymore. I am not just talking about an innocent Instagram filter. People use advanced artificial intelligence-based live filters which transform their faces into the most beautiful version possible as per the data collected by the AI algorithms.
When was the last time you saw a picture of a person with a pimple/acne on their face? Can’t even recall, right? When was the last time you saw a person with a pimple/acne in real life? Almost every day, right?
Drinking a fine wine in a premium lounge bar is a pleasure, but clicking the aesthetic Instagram-worthy picture of that fine wine is not a pleasure, it’s a profession. A real profession that requires real skills and talent, not just an iPhone with multi-cameras.
Highlight vs regular
It’s their highlight vs your regular.
Look, nobody is posting a long video of working 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. They post a video of sipping Margarita on Miami Beach. Surrounded by supermodels, owning private Jets and yachts.
Nobody posts a video of how they get rejected by 200 girls, they post a video of a highlighted moment of their life, where they get on their knees with a ring in their hand to propose to a girl and she said yes!
So, stop comparing your real life with somebody else’s highlights.
You would always lose in the: my real life vs their Instagram highlight reel.
Is it your dream/desire or fear?
You need to differentiate between your desire and your fear. You must know who you are and what you want.
“Don’t feel you are missing out on that experience because somebody else is having that experience.”
A strong identity and self-awareness are integral to knowing that.
If you want a private jet, go and work your ass off and buy a private jet. But don’t fear missing out on a private jet just because somebody else is clicking a picture on their private jet.
“Desire is motivating and inspiring, FOMO is envious and depressive.”
So you saw a post of your friend who made millions in cryptocurrency. Do you start feeling bad about yourself for being too busy with your job and missing out on opportunities? Pause for a second, and ask yourself how are you feeling.
Are you feeling inspired by him? Or you are just feeling envious?
“If you are feeling envious, you are not motivated by the desire to do something, rather you are motivated by the fear of how miserable you’d feel if you won’t do it. Even if you don’t want To Do it in the first place.”
Inspiration may lead you to your journey as a successful cryptocurrency trader, but envy can lead you to lose all that you have got! Or make you unable to enjoy what you have got.
Be inspired, not envious.
7 billion lives
If you are sitting on a private jet with your FOMO you might be wondering if you are missing out on being on a regular plane. Being socially around co-passengers and having weird conversations but yet having the possibility to bump into someone great with whom you can perhaps spend the rest of your life with, or at least have chat with once in a while on something only you two get.
What I am highlighting here is that:
Fomo is not about missing out on a luxurious life, it’s about missing out on something all the time, even if you have a luxurious life!
Maybe you went for a vacation in Miami yet in your head you have a constant fear that the friends who chose to go to Vegas are having a better time than you are.
You are a successful actor but you have FOMO that singers are having a better life and have more fans. You are a singer but you fear that tennis players are more admired. You are a tennis player but you fear businessmen are living a better life. You are a businessman but you fear politicians have more power. You are a politician but you fear actors have more fame.
You see, FOMO is a never-ending loop. there are no better experiences, you’d always feel you are missing out on something, even if you are having the best experiences according to the rest of the seven billion humans.
Remember if you are missing out on their experience, they are missing out on your experience too.”
If you don’t change your approach, You will always have fear of missing out because 7 billion people are living 7 billion different possibilities. You are one person, you cannot live 7 billion lives, you can only live one life, your life.
So, Let’s acknowledge that you would be missing out on 6,999,999,999 life experiences for sure, no matter who you are and what you do.
If you focus on your life and your life alone, it will be impossible for you to miss out on anything. If you focus on others’ lives you will miss out on EVERYTHING.
Trust your Decisions
“Know who you truly are and what you truly value and go for it. You do not have to steal other’s lives, or mimic other’s lives.”
Stop second-guessing your decisions, or else FOMO takes control of your mind. You can only live in misery for a couple of days until you find a new FOMO and then a new FOMO and you will live forever in FOMO.
Trust that whatever decision you had taken in the past was the best for you and everyone else.
It’s not just fear of missing out, but fear of wrong decisions.
A fear that you are taking wrong decisions, others are taking the right decisions. A fear that your decisions are producing less fun and fulfilling experience compared to other’s decisions.
It’s a decision versus decision. The fear is due to your inability or incompetence to take the right decision.
In all honesty, this fear is real. Because nobody ever taught you in school or college how to take decisions. It’s simply not part of any curriculum. The art of taking decisions is only mastered by very few people. You know these people as CEOs and World leaders.
“How to take decisions” is a topic for another post. Meanwhile, the only thing you need to know is: what do you truly value?
Take decisions based on what you truly value.
All decisions will always have pros and cons or say consequences.
Once you are able to make the decision based on what you truly value, what you stand for, and what you live for. You won’t doubt your decisions. You’ll own up to them, you’ll have no FOMO.
Another technique: write down why you take those decisions while you take them, so that if you ever face any doubt you can read them and remember why you took them.
Stock investor portfolio strategy
How do you beat the countdown timer trying to hijack your brain and make you take decisions you are not ready to take yet? Well, I have figured out a fantastic strategy to do that. It’s the “think like a stock investor” strategy.
Stock investors have a list of stocks they want to add to their portfolio, they buy them only when it is at their lowest price.
But just because you tell them that X stock is at 50% less, that too for a limited period, they won’t buy it. Why? Because it’s not in their portfolio!!
Successful stock investors don’t buy what you want them to buy, they buy what they want to buy, no matter how lucrative your offer is.
That’s what you are gonna do. You’re gonna buy what is on your list, not what they want you to buy. And you’re gonna buy either at the best price or best time based on your preferences.
Have a list of items you want to buy, just like stock investors have a list of stocks they want to buy. But it is at the best price or time, just like a stock investor would. But never buy something which is not on your list.
Never buy something which is not on your list.
Here is how you make the list:
Step 1. I think I want List
This list not only includes the things you want to buy but also includes the experience you want to have. If you want to have things you want to do, places you want to visit, friends you want to have, etc. Add every single impulse or trigger you get here.
Step 2. I know I want List
This is a filtered version of the above list. Come back after 24 hrs to check the above list. Ask yourself “Do you still want it?”
If yes, then keep it in the list, else remove it. Deep analysis is not needed for filtration. Just asking yourself this is enough.
If you find that you don’t want it anymore. Just know that we have just defeated FOMO. Congratulate yourself.
Beware of the consumerism trap
Some of you will be like- “I work hard and make enough money to buy whatever I want, I don’t need any list”. Ask yourself:
“Has rampant consumerism helped you to get rid of your FOMO?”
“Are you having a fulfilling life experience?”
Consumerism is the idea that a person’s well-being and happiness depend fundamentally on obtaining consumer goods and material possessions. Increasing the consumption of goods and services will increase a person’s well-being and happiness.12
Here is the consumerism trap:
If you make $2000 in a month then they know how to make you spend every single Dollar before the end of the month. If you make $20 million a month, then they know how to make you spend every single Dollar before the end of the month.
Even after spending that, you will still be in FOMO, feeling that others are still having more fun, living better lives, have better friends, life partners, children, and vacations than you. This is even applicable to the world’s richest man Elon Musk if he falls into the consumerism trap.
Assert your freewill
Limiting your time on social can reduce loneliness, depression, and FOMO.13
There is no need to download apps to block your access to social media or shopping sites. You can limit your time on social media yourself. Because the key is self-discipline.
Think of it this way. If you are on a diet, you may want an app to tell you how many calories you are consuming but you don’t want an app to handcuff you to stop you from eating once the pre-decided calorie limit is reached, you can do it yourself.
Similarly, You may want an app to tell you how much time you spend on a social media app. But you don’t want an app to block your access to social media once the pre-decided time is over, you can do it yourself!
This is your opportunity to teach yourself self-discipline.
When you open a social media app but another app restricts your access to it, your brain will register it as – “failed to assert my own will”. In no time this “failing will” will become a habit in all walks of your life.
When you willingly decide to not use social media at every other notification. Your Brain registers – “I succeeded to assert my will”. This will become a habit and it will be reflected in other areas of your life as well. Strengthening your Will is one of the key life skills.
Pro Tip
Develop empathy. Be happy for others. We are all together.
Closing Thought
FOMO will make you miss out on your life while you are busy with the fear of missing out on the life others are living.
Don’t let it ruin your life. The techniques mentioned in this post are based on advanced psychology, NLP, philosophy, minimalism, etc. I developed them after thorough research and testing. As you follow them, you will be able to overcome FOMO in no time.
References
- Herman D. Introducing short-term brands: A new branding tool for a new consumer reality. Journal of Brand Management. J Brand Manag 7, 330–340 (2000). doi:10.1057/bm.2000.23 ↩︎
- Wolniewicz CA, Tiamiyu MF, Weeks JW, Elhai JD. Problematic smartphone use and relations with negative affect, fear of missing out, and fear of negative and positive evaluation. Psychiatry Res. 2018;262:618-623. doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2017.09.058 ↩︎
- Hampton, K. N., Rainie, L., Lu, W., Shin, I., Purcell, K. (2015). Social media and the cost of caring. https://www.pewinternet.org/2015/
01/15/social-media-and-stress/ ↩︎ - Snapchat Gets Its Own Timeline With Snapchat Stories, 24-Hour Photo & Video Tales”. TechCrunch. Retrieved 2019-07-31 ↩︎
- RP ONLINE (2 August 2016). “Neue Geschichten-Funktion: Instagram wird Snapchat ähnlicher”. Retrieved 2019-07-31. ↩︎
- Facebook führt Snapchat-Funktion “Stories” ein”. 2017-03-28. Retrieved 2019-07-31 ↩︎
- Siddiqui, S., & Singh, T. (2016). Social media its impact with positive and negative aspects. International journal of computer applications technology and research , 5 (2), 71-75. ↩︎
- Voon, V., Reynolds, B., Brezing, C., Gallea, C., Skaljic, M., Ekanayake, V., … & Hallett, M. (2010). Impulsive choice and response in dopamine agonist-related impulse control behaviors. Psychopharmacology , 207(4), 645-659. ↩︎
- Adolphs, R., Tranel, D., Damasio, H., & Damasio, A. R. (1995). Fear and the human amygdala. Journal of neuroscience , 15(9), 5879-5891. ↩︎
- Hartston, H. (2012). The case for compulsive shopping as an addiction. Journal of psychoactive drugs , 44(1), 64-67. ↩︎
- Burdon, T. (2020). Online shopping: To mislead or deceive by design: What your FOMO has to do with e-commerce design. Bulletin (Law Society of South Australia), 42(1), 6-8. ↩︎
- Hayes, A. Retrieved on 2022-08-06. investopedia.com/terms/c/
consumerism ↩︎ - Hunt, M. G., Marx, R., Lipson, C., & Young, J. (2018). No more FOMO: Limiting social media decreases loneliness and depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology , 37 (10), 751-768. ↩︎